I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
