if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Semen is not good for contacts.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
