you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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