i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
