I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
