At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
His hands were made for my vagina.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
