OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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