Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
