Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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