Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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