The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
