My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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