Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
