she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My feet surprised me
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
