How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
