he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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