I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
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