Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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