Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
