There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
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