"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
