A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
