and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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