She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
home. puking in laundry basket.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
