Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
