Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
