I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
