remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
