Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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