Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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