ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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