I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
