I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
