Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
