Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
