we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
