those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
