Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
