where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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