Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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