Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
