Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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