hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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