You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
