Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
