Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
love makes seman taste better
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
