we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Drake has all the answers
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
