Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
