fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
