I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
