Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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