I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
