were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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