im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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