i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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