Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
