explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I think people are normalizing furries
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
