Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
