The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
